1. It’s fun.
- It’s OK to have fun with sex in a marriage.
- The Song of Solomon is not an allegory. It’s about a relationship between a husband and a wife.
- The women speaks first and speaks frankly.
- Children are never mentioned in that book. It’s just about fun, free sex between a husband and a wife.
- Pleasure is a gift from God.
2. For children.
- In Genesis, God says be fruitful and multiply. How are they going to do that? Sex.
- Some of you were told that sex is only for making babies. Not true. It’s for both pleasure and babies.
3. For oneness.
- In the act of sex, a man and a women become one flesh.
- Biophysics has caught up with the Bible. When a man and a woman are together in a sex act, a chemical reaction happens in a human brain that has the same effect as heroin—which is very addictive. This means a man and a women, when together become connected on a deep level.
- This is why you can’t have casual sex. It doesn’t exist.
- This is why you get addicted to porn.
- Even men who frequent prostitutes frequent the same one over and over and over. They are physically connected to them.
- If you’re into your spouse and your spouse is into you by the grace of God, you will become into them and physically connected to them, desiring them. You will become one flesh, one family, one bed to glorify the one God.
- God built our bodies to connect with our spouse.
- When we connect with anything else, it leads to death. But we can repent and be made clean and connect with our spouse.
4. For knowing.
- Sex creates intimacy and knowing someone.
- When you are married and Christians you are able to know each other more than anyone else. It’s intimacy.
5. For protection.
- Sex within marriage should be free and frequent. Doing so helps to protect both partners from sexual sin.
- Bible-believing, Christian, married couples have the most sex.
- There’s no excuse for adultery, but I know couples and pastors who haven’t had sex in decades. When you’re together regularly, it helps to safeguard your marriage by having sex regularly.
6. For comfort.
- You don’t see this in porn.
- Sharing your body with your spouse is a comfort that is deeper than words.
- Sometimes just being with your spouse is a gift, especially in hard times.
- Years ago, we had friends that miscarried a child. The wife told the husband she wanted to go away for a few days to make love, cry, hold each other, pray, lay together in bed, and be intimate. For them, sex was a gift of comfort.
*Note: This entire blog post was written by Mark Driscoll, not me. I just picked it up on my blog. A few people have asked if this was coming from my own experience or knowledge. I guess the “Mark Driscoll” in the title didn’t give it away.
Post your comments below.
Gospel Relevance 
This was a great post, thank you for your boldness. God Bless my friend.-watw
Glad you enjoyed the post.
This is the best breakdown of why sex should be reserved for marriage that I’ve ever seen, and I say that as someone who has never been convinced that sex without marriage is a sin. Thanks for this!
Thank you very much for sharing this–it’s easy to forget why sex should only be had in a marriage!
LaMonique – Glad you enjoyed the post. However, the purpose of this post is to reveal the reasons God created sex for marriage, not why sex should be only reserved for marriage. The Bible speaks clear as day in a myriad of places that sex outside of marriage is a sin.
Stephanie – No problem on sharing it. Happy you found it helpful.
Thank you for your frank post, and on the basis of your argument I ask you the question “Is marriage without sex a sin?”.
Its a crime… before marriage sexxx .. hoo god
Committment is very important…
Now a days sex became fashion…
No but as the Apostle Paul notes it should be by agreement – one partner should not withhold the “marital due” (1 Corinthians 7:3, 4) 3 Let the husband give to his wife her due, and let the wife also do likewise to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does; likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does. . . Here is the key point …. (1 Corinthians 7:4, 5) . . .. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent for an appointed time, so that you may devote time to prayer and may come together again, in order that Satan may not keep tempting you for your lack of self-control.
Re-read #5. Mark Driscoll says “Sex within marriage should be free and frequent. Doing so helps to protect both partners from sexual sin. Bible-believing, Christian, married couples have the most sex.” A Scripture to back this up is 1 Corinthians 7:5 where Paul writes, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you . . .”
Loved your post but its defintely a touchy topic for me.
Its so hard when sex outside of marriage is common in the church!
It’s like its everywhere and guys just do not want to wait, Christian or non Christian
Sigh one day.. until then I got Jesus 🙂
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I could see why you would say that, however, I don’t think we can use the word “everywhere” here because it is not happening everywhere, but it does unfortunately happen in some places. Additionally, we can’t use the word “guys” in the universal sense as in to say “every guy is having sex outside of marriage — Christian or non.” I know a ton of guys who love Jesus, serve the church, and are honoring God faithfully with their purity.
your right, I’m sorry that’s my own rant speel
but of course I’m sorry for generalizing you guys, their are good guys everywhere 🙂
Just hard to find 😛
Good stuff, David. I am linking to the Web site for Purity’s Big Payoff/Premarital Sex is a Big Rip-off (www.puritysbigpayoff.com). I’ve sent this post to Rob Beames too – editor of Genuine Motivation: Young Christian Man and asked him to consider using it in the ezine. Keep up the God work!
I can’t support the idea that “God made sex for marriage” and only in marriage, since the Bible doesn’t clearly say so. God created the human female in a very different way than He made the female animals.The lesson of Eve’s creation as Adam’s wife and their reunion taught, according to Jesus, that when a woman joins her man, she becomes part of him, one flesh as in the beginning. The man is symbolically, legally, her head, and she is part of his body. This is parallel to the relationship between Christ and the Church. Jesus said that this one flesh relationship is ordained by God and man is not to undo it by divorce.
What isn’t taught in Genesis 2 is that there must be a marriage before the sexual relationship begins. The reverse is closer to the truth. The commencement of long term sexual relations created marriage, a permanent union. Our contracts and ceremonies are a product of later times and in response to numerous societal concerns, primarily the protection of the wife and children.
Temporary, ad hoc sexual relations were allowed and approved in the Bible by God. Prostitution by an unmarried female was allowed as long as she didn’t serve an idol and wasn’t a priest’s daughter. Men could have concubines, which were secondary wives and subject to dismissal without divorce papers or any other procedure. Men were also allowed to take home female captives from war. There is no sin of premarital or unmarried sex taught in the Bible, Old or New testament. The sexual rules of the New testament are almost 100% based upon the Old, since that was the Bible of the Early Church. Adultery could only be committed by a married woman cheating on her husband. The only reference to premarital sex in the Bible is when a non-engaged virgin daughter was involved. There was no punishment, but the man involved had to offer to marry her as well as pay the virgin’s dowry. Her dad could refuse the wedding if he wanted to. There were NO laws or prohibitions against single women having sex at all, and certainly none for men. The Church has made up a sin they call “fornication” not even knowing what the word really meant, or how it was being applied by Paul in his writings, esp. in 1 Corinthians.
So, yes God made sex for fun, including having fun in marriage. That doesn’t mean anything goes in the marriage bed; there are at least two or three taboos. Sex is for making babies, but its not obligatory as I see it. I don’t think a couple should marry with no intent on having children. The oneness of marriage is simply restating “the two are one flesh”. Sure people can grow in oneness, but they are no less one whether or not they are emotionally one or not. It is a permanent union. Sex is comforting whether you’re married or not.
Good points, rockytheblogger. From my study of the Bible, sexuality is far more fluid (pardon the pun) than many realize. I haven’t been able to find the kind of black-and-white simplicity that many see in the Bible. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with waiting until marriage for sexual expression, but I think the Bible, as a narrative, gives us a more nuanced and complex discussion of sexuality, from the perspective of the strange stories of the biblical characters.
Sorry, I can’t let that ride. Different “versions” of the Bible change the wording, and thus the meaning, of many passages. I have read my KJV many times. I Corinthians talks about sex outside of marriage (fornication before marriage, adultery after) as sin. The Jewish law demanded (in the Old Testament) that a person (man and/or woman) caught in the act of adultery were to be stoned to death. When the Pharisees brought the adulterous woman before Jesus they were wrong in that they didn’t bring the man also. I have often wondered if any of those men were the woman. And how was it she was caught in the act by so many of them if they were not party to it? Also, Jesus told the religious leaders and His disciples that the “from the beginning it was not so” that a man should have more than one wife. Jesus said God allowed it because of the hardness of the hearts of man. God only created one wife for Adam, not multiples.
Genesis tells us that “for this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother, and cleave only to his wife.” How does a man do that if he is having multipler partners? And how have we escaped the fact that venereal diseases are caused by multiple partners?
Read Ephesians 5:1-12, 22-31; Ezekiel 16:26, 29; Matt. 5:32; Matt. 19:9; Rom_1:29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
1Co_5:1 It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father’s wife.
1Co_6:13 Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.
1Co_6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1Co_7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
1Co_10:8 Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand.
2Co_12:21 And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall bewail many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed.
Gal_5:19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
Eph_5:3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
Col_3:5 Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:
1Th_4:3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:
Jud_1:7 Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.
Rev_2:14 But I have a few things against thee, because thou hast there them that hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balac to cast a stumblingblock before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed unto idols, and to commit fornication.
Rev_2:20 Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols.
Rev_2:21 And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not.
Rev_9:21 Neither repented they of their murders, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their thefts.
Rev_14:8 And there followed another angel, saying, Babylon is fallen, is fallen, that great city, because she made all nations drink of the wine of the wrath of her fornication.
Rev_17:2 With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication.
Rev_17:4 And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication:
Rev_18:3 For all nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, and the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies.
Rev_18:9 And the kings of the earth, who have committed fornication and lived deliciously with her, shall bewail her, and lament for her, when they shall see the smoke of her burning,
Rev_19:2 For true and righteous are his judgments: for he hath judged the great whore, which did corrupt the earth with her fornication, and hath avenged the blood of his servants at her hand.
Great post! Sorry it took me so long to read it; school has kept me very busy!
Just some thoughts:
Fornication is pretty clear in the Bible: it is when a man and a woman practice sexually relations out of wedlock. God did not create us to have sex with anyone but our spouse. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul writes, “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”
In 1 Corinthians 5:1, it gives a specific example of fornication: “It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father’s wife.” The one who practiced sex with the father’s wife was unmarried, which is why this isn’t adultery. But it is clearly wrong.
Other verses that state fornication is a sin: Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. – Hebrews 13:4
————————————————————————————————————————————
Fornication (Webster’s 1828 Dictionary): The incontinence or lewdness of unmarried persons, male or female; also, the criminal conversation of a married man with an unmarried woman.
Fornication (Free Dictionary online): Sexual intercourse between partners who are not married to each other.
Fornication (Merriam Webster): consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other
Fornication (Black’s Law Dictionary): Unlawful sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons.
Fornication (Yahweh’s Restoration Ministry): The word fornication comes from three separate words in the Bible, two from the Hebrew and one from the Greek. These words all share similar connotations. Each can mean literal fornication between two unmarried persons in a marriage contract; however, it can also signify adultery, whoredom, or an act of unfaithfulness on the part of Yahweh’s people.
I think you are responding to rockytheblogger. I see you have a blog or two and are headed for Bible College, so congrats. I stand by my comments, though they were brief on this subject. The KJV was translated in 1611 so we would have to go back to find out what it meant at that time. If you study the origin of the word fornicate, you’ll find the word “fornix”, which was from Latin and a reference to the location of brothels. This corresponds well to the Greek words in the New Testament. The word for “prostitute” was porné. The male form of that word was pornos, usually translated “whoremonger” in KJV. Thus the word porneia which was translated as “fornication” means prostitution, or as rendered by Young’s Literal Translation “whoredom”. So, in 1611 the word fornication was an accurate translation of the word, but no longer.
On the other hand, the word “porneia” was used in a wider sense, to include all manner of sexual sins, or taboos. These were derived from God’s law that gave us these lists as in Leviticus 18. Incest is a sexual sin, thus, it was termed “fornication” by Paul in 1 Corinth. 5. The word fornication is also used in reference to homosexual conduct in Jude as I recall, and in regards to a form of adultery before marriage, Matt.5:32; Matt.1:19. The majority of its other uses in the New Testament seems to be the same as its usage in 1 Cor. 10:8, that is, temple prostitution. Premarital sex by singles was never forbidden in the Bible, Old or New Testaments. Prostitution was never forbidden either, unless the female was married or served idols. As you study this, you’ll find the Old and New Testaments in perfect agreement on the topic, which makes sense since the New Testament was written by Jews who regarded what we call the Old Testament as “all scriptures”, inspired by God and profitable for doctrine.
Thanks. The WalkRight Baptist Bible Institute is a unique and awesome experience! It is completely different than college, and I love it! Feel free to visit my blog anytime!
I never mind when people have a difference of opinion, as long as we can discuss maturely. 🙂
I disagree with your implication that “anything goes” as long as you are married, After a lot of prayer and revealation from The Lord: We can’t use the worlds definition “sex”. Self serving, gratification of lust is never healthy. Natural affection between a husband and wife is about adoration. Intercourse is procreation and if you use some form of birth control, you’re rebelling against God. If this makes sense to you, please pray about it and let The God give you understanding. True healthy affection does not create unatural animal lust to which there is only momentary gratification then the fire reignites and blazes even hotter and the cycle continues until only the lust remains and adoration has died and desires become self serving not even caring about the other.
it is very useful i want learn more
can u plz send all your updates to noelmusiclover@gmail.com
You’ll get no argument from me.:) God Bless and thank you for your support!
Reblogged this on Doing Life With God and commented:
Worth repeating until we all get it!
Amen! I truly believe that if the world truly understood how God created this – for us – and the boundaries in which He ordained – the blessings it releases into our lives, there would be so much more stability in marriages. Less divorce, true commitment, more fidelity, less promiscuity, more abstinence among the unmarried! Society had for years made the marriage bed (a beautiful, sacred, holy, wonderful thing) sound filthy – something not to be spoken of. Just like anything that we tell people “Not to speak of, or do.” the temptation to discover what it is about becomes almost too strong to bear. If we present it as it truly is – holy – nothing to be ashamed of – within marriage (between man and woman), the stigma, the mystery, the ugliness would vanish and the expectation and wonder would return. Blushing brides would truly be showing up once more.
Loved this post. I wish I could communicate these very sentiments to our young people who are so casual about sex. I wish all the time I had been smart and disciplined enough to wait until marriage. The sex before marriage was just that-sex. There was no intimacy, no oneness, and I always felt guilty afterward. I can share my experience with young women and only pray they pick up on my sincerity.
Reblogged this on Vineyard Worker and commented:
A good post and straight to the point.
Awesome post. I’m looking forward to marriage.
I simply love it so simple easy to unstand.
Wonderful post. Right on point.
Spot on! You have your wife’s blessing on this post?
As suggested in the title and in the post, the content from this blog were from Mark Driscoll, not me. I am not married. Appreciate you asking, Alan.
Thanx for visiting http://prayingdailywithbible.wordpress.com/ this is a well laid out point on ‘SEX’…I pray God will reveal Himself to those with opposing view in Jesus name
My above comment was for rockytheblogger. This one is for David Quaod. Thank you for starting this discussion. It is vital for our young people to understand. And we as adults need to be better role models for them. I see on the news almost every day where someone abused or killed a baby, usually the boyfriend of a single mom. Our young women don’t understand how to make wise choices in men and they get into a relationship that is dangerous and abusive, and don’t know how to get out of it. Once you’ve given in to your physical desires it is hard to break away, even when you know in your heart it’s best course of action. We (society) feed our young people on the idea that love and sex are synonymous. They are not. Love is an action. I don’t feel love when I am upset with my children but I still treat them with loving actions BECAUSE I love them. When my husband said he didn’t love me any more I asked God to help me be the wife he needed me to be so he would love me again. I had a lot to learn but I changed my attitude and actions, with God’s help so that we could have that relationship God had intended. If you’re just having a casual intimate relationship (there’s an oxymoron) you have no commitment to work on the relationship. Love isn’t there but you are still connected because that’s the way God intended marriage to be.
Thank you for sharing some wisdom and your heart. Casual and intimate relationship being an oxymoron is true — great thought.
Nice job, David. Some people focus on the pleasure of the flesh and ignore the spirit that should be driving that flesh to do good works out of faith. On the other hand, others will forsake the needs of the flesh to pursue some kind of spiritual elevation. I think you’ve done a great job of revealing proper balance between the two. Ron Braley (www.ronbraley.com)
Mark’s points (through your post) are accurate and Biblically correct. Married for over 20 years, I can attest to their truth in experience, as well. But Satan has filled this topic with so much confusion, as some comments here demonstrate. Thanks for getting out the good Word.
Polygamy is also biblical, and if you find yourself in the situation where your brother dies and leaves his wife childless, the “biblical” obligation is to impregnate your sister in law so as to maintain your brother’s seed…..We all like to believe that or view of sexuality is the one true “biblical” perspective. To actually study the word with care, however, reveals an incredible amount of diversity regarding sex and sexuality.
Description of something does not mean prescription of it. And some things were allowed in the Mosaic law, precisely because of the hardness of people’s hearts (as Jesus said in Matthew 19 when the Pharisees tried to trap him on the question of divorce.)
You need to take more care to study and apply the Scriptures.
What justification do you give for sharply dichotomizing so-called “prescriptive” elements and “descriptive.” That’s a modern hermeneutical move that, quite honestly, is often applied fairly carelessly to dismiss biblical passages that we don’t like. You don’t like polygamy, so you dismiss the faith of the patriarchs and others who practiced it and pejoratively dismiss polygamy as mere description. Those who followed the law didn’t dichotomies like you are suggesting. For the saints of old, the path of faith was holistic. For you, you pick and choose what parts you like and dismiss the parts you don’t like…..Perhaps you should be more careful with the word, my friend.
Thank you David for sharing Marks thoughts on the God given Unity that comes with interment relations between a husband and wife and also the danger of this outside of Marriage with sinful sexual relations and yes we can be forgiven or I would be lost and so would Ron.
The Song of Solomon although sharing about a union between a husband and wife, also has profound insight about Jesus and His Bride, The Church, there is a lot of symbolism in this book.
Thanks again David, Christian Love in Christ Jesus – Anne
Thank you for sharing this interesting post. I agree with most of it. Sex within a loving marriage is much more wonderful and meaningful than outside of marriage, which is risky. However, I am very uncomfortable with the part that goes: “Sex within marriage should be free and frequent. Doing so helps to protect both partners from sexual sin.” I am disturbed by the writer’s implication that married couples who have not had sex in years are wrong for this. It really depends on the couple. There are many ways to show love and affection and sometimes there are physical limitations. Healthy sex, within marriage must include mutual respect and loving care.If there is a problem with frequency, the couple needs to work this out respectfully and hopefully with creative problem solving that respects the physical and emotional well being of each person. The implication that a lack of frequent sex could put someone at risk for sin, suggests immaturity and a need for more spiritual growth.The rest of the article has many valuable points that I agree with. Thank you for having the courage to share it.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.(KJV)
Holiness became real to me when I became a Christian. It kept me in check for a few years before I married – and still does!
Interesting point about the prostitute visits. Sex is in fact God’s greatest, clearest metaphor for the intimacy He longs to have with us. Almost sounds scandalous, but sex is the most elemental union between the spouses and the Church is to be in union with Her bridegroom.
Thank you for taking time to read my post.
Thank you for liking my post recently. I am now following you and look forward to reading more excellent posts from you.
Wonderful post. I believe that when the marital relationship is weakened it affects your general behavior. We as married couples need to take a leadership role in promoting love and communication to those considering marriage.
sdacult.wordpress.com
Hi David! Glad you enjoyed my post on “emotional dependancy”…. It gets messier but a good ending. Brill post. Heard of Mark Driscoll – is he a Brit? Be blessed – Reuben.
Hello. Driscoll is actually not a Brit; he’s from Seattle, Washington.
How to say this without writing a book, or missing my point . . . A few statements of truth:
– screwed up regarding emotional maturity due to parent’s issues (rest in the Lord’s love Mamma and Dad)
– pushed into marriage to one who did not love me and he was many times unfaithful . . . Divorced him.
– repeated this pattern a few times
– never cared for sex as a wife should, and it was always to please a husband
– being the primary bread winner more often than not, parenting of children, cook, maid, etc. I ached for a real love, and marriage –
– took the time to heal emotionally, and mature emotionally
– prayed for God to pick me a forever husband and I met my husband of 20 awesome and happy years
– Making love with someone I love, and loves me is matched in wonder and intimacy by no other earthly act . We are also matched in faith, intelligence vast humor, values, morality . . .
OH HOW I WISH all of God’s children – for I am God’s child as well as is my husband – could be married and know the joys of marriage that we know – Because we are blessed beyond measure By our Lord and savior Jesus Christ.
Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable.