I'm a Northwest Missouri State Alum, blogger, and aspiring author. Most importantly, I am a follower of Jesus Christ.Many of my single Christian friends are wasting their single years. Don’t be like them.
1. Beware of the idolatry. A significant other is a good thing, but it becomes a bad thing when you turn it into a god thing. Making anything more important to you than God is idolatry, and I’ve seen many Christians do this with their significant other once in a relationship.
2. Don’t worry about compatibility. The purpose of marriage is not compatibility, but conformity: to conform you more and more into the image of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:29). Click here for further elaboration on this point.
3. Guard your heart. The Bible tells us to guard our heart, not to follow our heart (Proverbs 4:23; Jeremiah 17:9). Firmly guard your heart, but still be open to whom the Lord may have for you in your life right now.
4. Train yourself for godliness. Being single, you have more free time now than you will ever have later in your life if you ever get married. Don’t waste this time. Use it to train yourself for godliness by spending loads of time with Jesus, serving the Church, making yourself available to lead, reading good Christian books, etc. Though you’ll still be able to do all of those when & if you get married, you won’t have as much flexibility and time as you do now.
5. Don’t grumble. Grumbling is not going to suddenly bring Prince Charming (or, as in my case, Princess Jasmine) to your side. Instead of grumbling that you are single and wish you weren’t, be grateful that your name is written in the Book of Life and you didn’t write it (Luke 10:20).
6. Make a list for you. Stop making a list of what you want in a spouse and start making a list of you need to be in a spouse. In other words, don’t focus on finding the right person, focus on being the right person.
7. Don’t bank on it. If you have a deep desire to be married one day you will probably get married. . . or you may not. The big wedding day, honeymoon, and family that you envision for your life may come. . . or it may not. You have no idea what’s going to happen to you tomorrow let alone your future. Instead of banking on a future spouse, bank on the perfect life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
8. You are in this season for a reason. C.S. Lewis: “God would not have anyone waiting unless he saw it was good for them to wait.” You’re not waiting on accident. Singleness is a blessing. Don’t waste it.
9. Don’t over spiritualize dating. If you find someone who loves Jesus and his Church, you are attracted to them — both inwardly and outwardly — and you feel like God is leading you in that direction. . . then go for it! Don’t make it more complicated than what it needs to be. “Rather than looking for the perfect person, open your eyes to see whom the perfect God may have in your life right now.” – Mark Driscoll
10. Ask for advice. Seek advice from other godly men and women. Give them permission to speak into your life to help you grow as a single Christian, and potentially as a married one.
11. Be careful of the world. Tragically, too many Christians look to godless movies, magazines, and other sources of media for what a relationship should be. That’s unattractive (at least it is to me), a sure sign of spiritual immaturity, and only leads to disaster. Look to the Word, not world, on what a godly relationship should look like.
12. Trust God. Finally, trust God. Your desire to be married was given to you by God. That’s a good thing. Isn’t God good and the giver of all good gifts? Doesn’t God already know the future of your life? Isn’t he working all things out in your life for your good and his glory? Isn’t his timing always perfect? Trust that God will provide and that his purposes will come to past in your life.
Check out Mark Driscoll’s article, Dating, Relating, and Fornicating, for further insight on singleness and dating.
Post your comments below.
What if I don’t envisage getting married with all the burdens and arguments that come with it and just want an open relationship where I can share my love with all?
An “open relationship” isn’t a biblical one.
LOOOOOOOOVE it.!!! def hit the spot of where im at right now.!
One of the best posts I’ve ever read on singleness! Would have benefited from this when I was in college.
Glad you liked this post, Brandi and Trevor!
Very astute and to the point. I like your style. Thanks, DQ!
Thanks, David, I am glad you enjoyed it.
As a single woman called into the mission field, this post reinstates a lot of thoughts I have been having. Praise the Lord and thank you for posting!
Very wonderful post! Great work. God bless
I love this. We are so comfortable in america that we are all capable of serving God whole heartedly. But instead of doing so we made our purpose in life to get married and have a white picket fence. Marriage is wonderful, but you weren’t created to be married! You were created to glorify Christ! I liked your post a lot and would like to emphasize that marriage should always be between two people that are equally yokes. Especially being a women, I know we tend to settle, remember the honeymoon phase only last for about a year! Then its the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t love jesus as much as you do. And from a spouse that can be damaging wither to your relationship with your spouse or your jesus. I liked your post it was wonderful
Thanks for your insight and I am glad you enjoyed it.