Many single Christians all across the globe are wasting their singleness. Are you one of them?
I’m in my twenties and I’ve been single my entire life. By no means do I have all the answers to singleness, but I am well aware of the struggles and difficulties and blessings that singleness brings. The road can be painful, but it doesn’t have to be joyless.
I’m sure many of us who are single want to use this season wisely—but how? How can we enjoy our singleness without wasting it?
Over the years, I’ve learned that there are 11 things every single Christian should know:
- Fix your eyes on Jesus. Thriving in singleness happens by fixing your eyes on the One who is sinless. Look to Jesus to be your source of joy, hope, purpose, and meaning. Only he can give you what you actually want, and what you really need.
- Beware of the idolatry in your heart. A significant other is a good thing, but it becomes a bad thing when you turn it into a god thing. Making anything more important to you than God is idolatry and I’ve seen many Christians make an idol of their boyfriend or girlfriend once they start dating. Check your heart now so that you can avoid that pitfall later. Is your desire to be with someone healthy or idolatrous?
- Guard your heart. The Bible tells us to guard our heart, not to follow our heart. Firmly guard your heart from worldliness, idols, and desiring a spouse too badly, but you can still be open to who the Lord may have for you in your life, even right now. So guard your heart, but don’t close your eyes.
- Train yourself for godliness. Being single, you probably have more free time right now than you will ever have in any other season of life. Don’t waste this time. Instead, use it wisely by spending intentional time in Scripture and prayer, serving your Church and community, growing in your career, learning new trades, reading books, building healthy friendships, and potentially serving in overseas missions. You’ll still be able to do those things if and when you get married, but you just won’t be as flexible as you are right now. So steward this time wisely.
- Be aware of grumbling. Grumbling is not going to suddenly bring Prince Charming (or, as in my case, Princess Jasmine) to your side. Plus, grumbling leads to bitterness, which is unattractive. Instead of grumbling that you are single and wish you weren’t, make it a habit to recount the blessings the Lord has bestowed on you, all of which are undeserved.
- Make a list for you, not for a spouse. Instead of making a list of what you want in a spouse, make a list of you need to be in a spouse. In other words, don’t focus on finding the right person; focus on being the right person. The kind of person you desire in your twenties may not be the same kind of person you need in your fifties.
- Don’t place your ultimate hope in marriage. If you have a deep desire to be married one day you will probably get married . . . or you may not. The big wedding day, honeymoon, and family that you envision for your life may come . . . or it may not. You have no idea what’s going to happen to you tomorrow let alone your future. Instead of placing your ultimate hope in a spouse, place your ultimate hope in the perfect life, death, and resurrection of our Savior.
- Remember that you are in this season for a reason. As S. Lewis wisely said, “God would not have anyone waiting unless he saw it was good for them to wait.” You’re not waiting on accident. Your singleness is not God’s way of depriving you; it’s God’s way of changing you. The suffering servant was single, and God is using this time to make you more like him.
- Don’t hyper-spiritualize dating. We Christians are so awkward with dating advice, aren’t we? If you find someone who loves Jesus and his church, and you are attracted to her—and she is actually attracted to you — and your friends and family think it’s a good idea, then what are you waiting for?
- Seek advice regularly. Seek biblical counsel and wisdom from other married Christians. Ask the hard questions. Give them permission to speak into your life to help you grow as a single Christian and potentially as a married one. Ask others to keep you accountable and to point out your blind spots. Be coachable. In short, ask for wisdom from fellow wise Christians to help you thrive during singleness, and help prepare you for marriage.
- Trust God. This might sound obvious, but we all could use a reminder. We forget this often so we need to be reminded daily. Friend, God knows exactly what he’s doing. In fact, your desire to be married is not incidental. Doesn’t God already know the future of your life? Isn’t he working all things out in your life for your good and his glory? Isn’t his timing always perfect? Trust God’s providence and that his purposes will come to pass in your life.
Singleness might be a waiting season, but it doesn’t need to be a wasted season. Many singles are discouraged and despondent, but friends, it doesn’t have to be that way. There’s so much joy and treasure and wisdom and memories and experiences to be had. So don’t waste this time, but use it well for what will last. Because as C.T. Studd once said, “Only one life; ‘twill soon be past; only what’s done for Christ will last.”
Gospel Relevance 
What if I don’t envisage getting married with all the burdens and arguments that come with it and just want an open relationship where I can share my love with all?
An “open relationship” isn’t a biblical one.
Why is a Biblical relationship good?
More to the point, isn’t love more important than religious adherence?
Because it’s biblical and biblical is always right.
How do you know what is biblical is always right?
When has it ever been wrong?
When people have used it to harm others, for starters…
Ok. Those are people doing this. In like manner with Islam and Quran, there are people in Christianity who take the Bible out of context and use it to advance their own agenda. But that is the fault of the person, not the Bible itself.
Sure, we should always put the blame on the person doing the act, regardless, but I also don’t see a value in idolizing the Bible, as if it’s perfect and we are lowly, sinful wretches that must somehow make sense of it’s perfection. It was written by men. Men are unreliable, and our moral values have changed in 2,000 (I hope).
Yes, we must place the blame on people as they are the ones who are doing the act. Christians do not idolize the Bible. We live by It as best as we can. We are lowly wretches filled with sin if we do not have Christ. Just because we change our minds about what we feel is and is not right does not negate the veracity of the Bible. It’s still relevant.
I’m not so sure Christians don’t idolize the Bible. What else do they have as a record for their religion? Don’t you have to assume the Bible is unlike every other book on Earth? That it has resisted any error? You can say you focus on Christ, but Christ only appears in the Bible – which must be presumed to be true…. i’m not sure how you can be a Christians and NOT idolize the Bible.
Sir, you are entitled to your opinion. It is obvious that you don’t care for the Bible and that is your right. I choose to believe in the Bible and that is my right. We can go back and forth until we’re both blue in the face, I perceive that neither one of us is going to concede. At least, I will not. I dare not presume to speak on your behalf.
Just because I don’t idolize it doesn’t mean i don’t like it. I understand you chose to believe in the Bible. But how is that not idolizing the Bible?
The discussion seems to be about people’s actions based on the Bible and Christian doctrine – they seemed to be linked, don’t they?
I’m not so critical of Christianity as you might imagine, but I see an awful lot of blind obedience to it than seems prudent.
I’m not asking you to stop being a Christian, I am simply having a discussion with you.
Hey Brent 🙂 I hope you don’t mind me jumping in the conversation. I was reading your comments and I think you asked excellent questions, many of them ones I’ve asked as well. If you are willing to take the time, I’ve included a link to a message which I believe answers your questions very well. Take care! http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=530914253
Thanks for your interest. Some comments.
1. I note he is preaching from 2 Peter, a book written in about 160, and is clearly a forgery. Now, that doesn’t mean it’s not true, but it’s a strange book for Christians to use. Even the early Church Fathers didn’t like it being included into the Canon.
2. The quote from 2 Peter says they didn’t follow from previous myths, but this is exactly what they did, and so it appears this passage can’t even be trusted on the face. now, i’m sure you and others will object, but clearly just because a book says “trust me” doesn’t mean you should trust it. Which drives straight to his point about trusting the Bible – he is using a spurious source, then simply accepts it as true.
3. He says “we were eyewitnesses”. This is nopt true. Even the gospels don’t claims this.
In the end, this is the standard Christian story preachers have been using for centuries to dupe people.
I’d encourage you to learn a little more about your religion. Particularly, how the Bible was created, and who actually wrote it.
I don’t think you should treat the people who are making tens of thousands of dollars telling you it’s all true. Trust the people who have no reason to lie.
i’m sure this is a disappointment to you, but i have no reason to lie to you, nor be dishonest. I wish you the best.
Me, I will continue to search, and not trust men who speak better than they Reason.
David, you’ve given a lot of thought to singleness. Thanks for sharing!
and for visiting my blog!
Evelyn
Here’s to Your Health!
evelynmmaxwell.com
LOOOOOOOOVE it.!!! def hit the spot of where im at right now.!
One of the best posts I’ve ever read on singleness! Would have benefited from this when I was in college.
Glad you liked this post, Brandi and Trevor!
Very astute and to the point. I like your style. Thanks, DQ!
Thanks, David, I am glad you enjoyed it.
As a single woman called into the mission field, this post reinstates a lot of thoughts I have been having. Praise the Lord and thank you for posting!
Very wonderful post! Great work. God bless
I love this. We are so comfortable in america that we are all capable of serving God whole heartedly. But instead of doing so we made our purpose in life to get married and have a white picket fence. Marriage is wonderful, but you weren’t created to be married! You were created to glorify Christ! I liked your post a lot and would like to emphasize that marriage should always be between two people that are equally yokes. Especially being a women, I know we tend to settle, remember the honeymoon phase only last for about a year! Then its the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t love jesus as much as you do. And from a spouse that can be damaging wither to your relationship with your spouse or your jesus. I liked your post it was wonderful 🙂
Thanks for your insight and I am glad you enjoyed it.
As someone said above, best post on being single I have seen. I have wrote a few posts myself about the subject, and I have talked to many people about it, but I believe this post is definitely one of the best. I very much appreciate it myself! Thanks!
God bless and have a great day! 🙂
Thank you so much for posting this! I have found it to be such an encouragement. My friend and I recently went through a study called “Wait For Me” by Rebecca St. James, and your post is right in line with what we believe and discussed.
That’s awesome! Glad it was encouraging and appreciate you sharing.
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Reblogged this on mwathablog.
haha, this is so funny! =)) thanks for sharing this! God bless you!
Good to know, for Christians of all ages. Very wise and thanks for your support.
I’ve been married for nearly three decades; and I can tell you that overall dating and marriage are overemphasized. My advice is to focus on growing in a genuine relationship with God and loving people. And just live. “The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord.” (Psalm 27:33) If you’re meant to date and be married, it will happen. I met my husband in a passing encounter in a tire store waiting room on my day off. Had not a second thought about him. God works in many ways! And, by the way, thanks for visiting and following my blog. Grace to you!
Hi Josh, thanks for the like over at http://www.raisingservantsofchrist.com Love your ‘Christian Single’ mindset, which is so refreshing in light of our current society. With two teens, we are constantly discussing and have heart-to-hearts about the life of a single Christian, and how to embrace it until God reveals their spouse.
Take care and God Bless!
Sorry, I meant David…….NOT Josh!
Reblogged this on PlanetSellas and commented:
Good article. Very encouraging
Thanks for visiting our blog, great job
Hey! Glad you said what you did — the current trend in blogs and writing for single Christians leans much more toward justifying idolatry and self-pity rather than trusting God and living a life for Him no matter what your situation is. Great and to the point! Thanks for sharing!
Great point. And appreciate your words.
I need a single christian
This is true:
1Cor 7:24 Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with יהוה.
Yahweh bless
Reblogged this on My Own World 😀.
As a sihgle Christian nearing sixty I find this article still revealant in our generation.
Loved this. Really hit home! I really needed to read #9 as a reminder. Thanks for that!
Good stuff, and a great reminder to me. Thank you so much.
Thank you for your insight! I am a widow, but I appreciate your candor! I am sending a link of this page to a friend who is single. She needs to read your blog. She is bouncing between keeping a relationship going and leaving it alone. She really does not know what she wants. One minute she sees her “friend” as a burden. Then she sees him as God sending him into her life. Like I said she does not know what she wants. I hope reading your statements will benefit her. I hope God will speak to her and stabilize her in this area.
One of your comments was that singlehood is a blessing. I would like to emphasize that. So many people treat this season as a waiting period until God gives one a spouse and makes him or her complete. We are whole in Jesus. I am a life long single, not necessarily by choice, but I do know that Papa God loves me and knows what is best. Singles are not less mature or less loved because of their relationship status. If there were a #14, it would be, “Rest in Papa’s love and enjoy all of His blessings, including the person He has made you to be.” Thanks for your article.
Exactlty! Thanks for the addition.
Great message and timely! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Reblogged this on A Crazy Little Thing Called Life and commented:
Oh my goodness…this is amazing…now just to implement the truths in my life!!
I heard a message once about being single. The pastor said that being single wasn’t a condition that needs to be changed. It also wasn’t unlimited free time to do whatever feels good (even if it’s not wrong) because there are no responsibilities. Being single is about doing God’s work – whatever that looks like in your life. It doesn’t mean not to have fun, but it does mean that being single is not permission to waste God’s gifts.
Cool post! I was linked to it after you liked my blog, “My pilgrimage to syria” http://diplomatswithclout.wordpress.com/2014/11/02/my-pilgrimage-in-syria/
How did you hear about my blog? Curious how to draw traffic…
Excellent!!!
Reblogged this on Crooked Places Straight and commented:
This is one of the best articles I have read on Christian singleness.
There are some pretty good points listed here.
Great post but I feel Christianity has been missing the point for centuries. I’ve found Jesus to be a metaphor for the soul. The literal interpretation of the story neglects the fact that the soul is the source of true self-worth. Without it humanity is doomed. Trying to replace the soul with a literal belief in Jesus is a misunderstanding that has been long overlooked. The bible is taken to be the infallible word of God. What about our interpretation of the word? Is that infallible as well?
if single people followed this advice, there would be less divorces.
Agreed. Huge compliment. Thank you.
Great word. Keep up the good work my brother.
Dr.J
Reblogged this on Totally Inspired Mind… and commented:
from one of my new newest blogger friends comes this great article to all the single Christians out there in the world like myself. Thank you for printing it because it gives me a new view on me thank you.
Very Biblically sound points. I especially liked points 2, 3, and 12.
Love that you did this–concise and relevant and spot on encouraging. Thanks, too, for the like on my blog. Appreciate it!
Found this post to be a great reminder of our true goal in life – Christlikeness! and its a beautiful gift if God blesses you with a partner who can share that journey with you, but either way God is just as faithful in your singleness as he will be to you in marriage.
Very true: God is faithful and Christlikeness is the goal.
Hey David! Great post! You visited my blog so I came over to check yours out. I am glad I did! Your advice is very good. I am married, but I have a son who is single. I sent him a link to this post. I would add another thing to your list — Prayer! Be in prayer about the right person coming into your life, or if you want to stay single, pray for the right ministry to be involved in. Be specific about your needs. When I was single after a divorce, prayer for a loving Christian husband to come into my life, was the key. I have now been married 15 years to an amazing man (now a retired minister), and my life is forever changed. Great advice in this post, David. I hope people listen.
Hello DQ! Thanks for the like.
I like that you were specific with the “being the right person” part, as this is possibly one of the most used cliches in advising those who are single. Great post!