Mark Driscoll: 6 Reasons Why God Created Sex For Marriage

Posted: January 12, 2012 in Mark Driscoll, Marriage, Sex
Tags: , , , , ,

1. It’s fun.

  • It’s OK to have fun with sex in a marriage.
  • The Song of Solomon is not an allegory. It’s about a relationship between a husband and a wife.
  • The women speaks first and speaks frankly.
  • Children are never mentioned in that book. It’s just about fun, free sex between a husband and a wife.
  • Pleasure is a gift from God.

2. For children.

  • In Genesis, God says be fruitful and multiply. How are they going to do that? Sex.
  • Some of you were told that sex is only for making babies. Not true. It’s for both pleasure and babies.

3. For oneness.

  • In the act of sex, a man and a women become one flesh.
  • Biophysics has caught up with the Bible. When a man and a woman are together in a sex act, a chemical reaction happens in a human brain that has the same effect as heroin—which is very addictive. This means a man and a women, when together become connected on a deep level.
  • This is why you can’t have casual sex. It doesn’t exist.
  • This is why you get addicted to porn.
  • Even men who frequent prostitutes frequent the same one over and over and over. They are physically connected to them.
  • If you’re into your spouse and your spouse is into you by the grace of God, you will become into them and physically connected to them, desiring them. You will become one flesh, one family, one bed to glorify the one God.
  • God built our bodies to connect with our spouse.
  • When we connect with anything else, it leads to death. But we can repent and be made clean and connect with our spouse.

4. For knowing.

  • Sex creates intimacy and knowing someone.
  • When you are married and Christians you are able to know each other more than anyone else. It’s intimacy.

5. For protection.

  • Sex within marriage should be free and frequent. Doing so helps to protect both partners from sexual sin.
  • Bible-believing, Christian, married couples have the most sex.
  • There’s no excuse for adultery, but I know couples and pastors who haven’t had sex in decades. When you’re together regularly, it helps to safeguard your marriage by having sex regularly.

6. For comfort.

  • You don’t see this in porn.
  • Sharing your body with your spouse is a comfort that is deeper than words.
  • Sometimes just being with your spouse is a gift, especially in hard times.
  • Years ago, we had friends that miscarried a child. The wife told the husband she wanted to go away for a few days to make love, cry, hold each other, pray, lay together in bed, and be intimate. For them, sex was a gift of comfort.

*Note: This entire blog post was written by Mark Driscoll, not me. I just picked it up on my blog. A few people have asked if this was coming from my own experience or knowledge. I guess the “Mark Driscoll” in the title didn’t give it away.

Post your comments below.

Comments
  1. theWomanAtTheWell says:

    This was a great post, thank you for your boldness. God Bless my friend.-watw

  2. David Qaoud says:

    Glad you enjoyed the post.

  3. LaMonique says:

    This is the best breakdown of why sex should be reserved for marriage that I’ve ever seen, and I say that as someone who has never been convinced that sex without marriage is a sin. Thanks for this!

  4. Stephanie says:

    Thank you very much for sharing this–it’s easy to forget why sex should only be had in a marriage!

  5. David Qaoud says:

    LaMonique – Glad you enjoyed the post. However, the purpose of this post is to reveal the reasons God created sex for marriage, not why sex should be only reserved for marriage. The Bible speaks clear as day in a myriad of places that sex outside of marriage is a sin.

    Stephanie – No problem on sharing it. Happy you found it helpful.

  6. sterlingsop says:

    Thank you for your frank post, and on the basis of your argument I ask you the question “Is marriage without sex a sin?”.

    • Anonymous says:

      Its a crime… before marriage sexxx .. hoo god
      Committment is very important…
      Now a days sex became fashion…

  7. David Qaoud says:

    Re-read #5. Mark Driscoll says “Sex within marriage should be free and frequent. Doing so helps to protect both partners from sexual sin. Bible-believing, Christian, married couples have the most sex.” A Scripture to back this up is 1 Corinthians 7:5 where Paul writes, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you . . .”

  8. Loved your post but its defintely a touchy topic for me.
    Its so hard when sex outside of marriage is common in the church!
    It’s like its everywhere and guys just do not want to wait, Christian or non Christian
    Sigh one day.. until then I got Jesus :)

  9. David Qaoud says:

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I could see why you would say that, however, I don’t think we can use the word “everywhere” here because it is not happening everywhere, but it does unfortunately happen in some places. Additionally, we can’t use the word “guys” in the universal sense as in to say “every guy is having sex outside of marriage — Christian or non.” I know a ton of guys who love Jesus, serve the church, and are honoring God faithfully with their purity.

  10. your right, I’m sorry that’s my own rant speel
    but of course I’m sorry for generalizing you guys, their are good guys everywhere :)
    Just hard to find :P

  11. Good stuff, David. I am linking to the Web site for Purity’s Big Payoff/Premarital Sex is a Big Rip-off (www.puritysbigpayoff.com). I’ve sent this post to Rob Beames too – editor of Genuine Motivation: Young Christian Man and asked him to consider using it in the ezine. Keep up the God work!

  12. [...] Posts It's The Little Things in Life. . . Mark Driscoll: 6 Reasons Why God Created Sex For Marriage 10 Reasons Why God Allows [...]

  13. I can’t support the idea that “God made sex for marriage” and only in marriage, since the Bible doesn’t clearly say so. God created the human female in a very different way than He made the female animals.The lesson of Eve’s creation as Adam’s wife and their reunion taught, according to Jesus, that when a woman joins her man, she becomes part of him, one flesh as in the beginning. The man is symbolically, legally, her head, and she is part of his body. This is parallel to the relationship between Christ and the Church. Jesus said that this one flesh relationship is ordained by God and man is not to undo it by divorce.

    What isn’t taught in Genesis 2 is that there must be a marriage before the sexual relationship begins. The reverse is closer to the truth. The commencement of long term sexual relations created marriage, a permanent union. Our contracts and ceremonies are a product of later times and in response to numerous societal concerns, primarily the protection of the wife and children.

    Temporary, ad hoc sexual relations were allowed and approved in the Bible by God. Prostitution by an unmarried female was allowed as long as she didn’t serve an idol and wasn’t a priest’s daughter. Men could have concubines, which were secondary wives and subject to dismissal without divorce papers or any other procedure. Men were also allowed to take home female captives from war. There is no sin of premarital or unmarried sex taught in the Bible, Old or New testament. The sexual rules of the New testament are almost 100% based upon the Old, since that was the Bible of the Early Church. Adultery could only be committed by a married woman cheating on her husband. The only reference to premarital sex in the Bible is when a non-engaged virgin daughter was involved. There was no punishment, but the man involved had to offer to marry her as well as pay the virgin’s dowry. Her dad could refuse the wedding if he wanted to. There were NO laws or prohibitions against single women having sex at all, and certainly none for men. The Church has made up a sin they call “fornication” not even knowing what the word really meant, or how it was being applied by Paul in his writings, esp. in 1 Corinthians.

    So, yes God made sex for fun, including having fun in marriage. That doesn’t mean anything goes in the marriage bed; there are at least two or three taboos. Sex is for making babies, but its not obligatory as I see it. I don’t think a couple should marry with no intent on having children. The oneness of marriage is simply restating “the two are one flesh”. Sure people can grow in oneness, but they are no less one whether or not they are emotionally one or not. It is a permanent union. Sex is comforting whether you’re married or not.

    • erdman31 says:

      Good points, rockytheblogger. From my study of the Bible, sexuality is far more fluid (pardon the pun) than many realize. I haven’t been able to find the kind of black-and-white simplicity that many see in the Bible. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with waiting until marriage for sexual expression, but I think the Bible, as a narrative, gives us a more nuanced and complex discussion of sexuality, from the perspective of the strange stories of the biblical characters.

  14. riseup0201 says:

    Great post! Sorry it took me so long to read it; school has kept me very busy!

    Just some thoughts:

    Fornication is pretty clear in the Bible: it is when a man and a woman practice sexually relations out of wedlock. God did not create us to have sex with anyone but our spouse. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul writes, “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”

    In 1 Corinthians 5:1, it gives a specific example of fornication: “It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father’s wife.” The one who practiced sex with the father’s wife was unmarried, which is why this isn’t adultery. But it is clearly wrong.

    Other verses that state fornication is a sin: Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7

    Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. – Hebrews 13:4

    ————————————————————————————————————————————
    Fornication (Webster’s 1828 Dictionary): The incontinence or lewdness of unmarried persons, male or female; also, the criminal conversation of a married man with an unmarried woman.

    Fornication (Free Dictionary online): Sexual intercourse between partners who are not married to each other.

    Fornication (Merriam Webster): consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other

    Fornication (Black’s Law Dictionary): Unlawful sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons.

    Fornication (Yahweh’s Restoration Ministry): The word fornication comes from three separate words in the Bible, two from the Hebrew and one from the Greek. These words all share similar connotations. Each can mean literal fornication between two unmarried persons in a marriage contract; however, it can also signify adultery, whoredom, or an act of unfaithfulness on the part of Yahweh’s people.

    • rocky4real says:

      I think you are responding to rockytheblogger. I see you have a blog or two and are headed for Bible College, so congrats. I stand by my comments, though they were brief on this subject. The KJV was translated in 1611 so we would have to go back to find out what it meant at that time. If you study the origin of the word fornicate, you’ll find the word “fornix”, which was from Latin and a reference to the location of brothels. This corresponds well to the Greek words in the New Testament. The word for “prostitute” was porné. The male form of that word was pornos, usually translated “whoremonger” in KJV. Thus the word porneia which was translated as “fornication” means prostitution, or as rendered by Young’s Literal Translation “whoredom”. So, in 1611 the word fornication was an accurate translation of the word, but no longer.

      On the other hand, the word “porneia” was used in a wider sense, to include all manner of sexual sins, or taboos. These were derived from God’s law that gave us these lists as in Leviticus 18. Incest is a sexual sin, thus, it was termed “fornication” by Paul in 1 Corinth. 5. The word fornication is also used in reference to homosexual conduct in Jude as I recall, and in regards to a form of adultery before marriage, Matt.5:32; Matt.1:19. The majority of its other uses in the New Testament seems to be the same as its usage in 1 Cor. 10:8, that is, temple prostitution. Premarital sex by singles was never forbidden in the Bible, Old or New Testaments. Prostitution was never forbidden either, unless the female was married or served idols. As you study this, you’ll find the Old and New Testaments in perfect agreement on the topic, which makes sense since the New Testament was written by Jews who regarded what we call the Old Testament as “all scriptures”, inspired by God and profitable for doctrine.

      • riseup0201 says:

        Thanks. The WalkRight Baptist Bible Institute is a unique and awesome experience! It is completely different than college, and I love it! Feel free to visit my blog anytime!

        I never mind when people have a difference of opinion, as long as we can discuss maturely. :)

  15. Craig says:

    I disagree with your implication that “anything goes” as long as you are married, After a lot of prayer and revealation from The Lord: We can’t use the worlds definition “sex”. Self serving, gratification of lust is never healthy. Natural affection between a husband and wife is about adoration. Intercourse is procreation and if you use some form of birth control, you’re rebelling against God. If this makes sense to you, please pray about it and let The God give you understanding. True healthy affection does not create unatural animal lust to which there is only momentary gratification then the fire reignites and blazes even hotter and the cycle continues until only the lust remains and adoration has died and desires become self serving not even caring about the other.

  16. noel says:

    it is very useful i want learn more
    can u plz send all your updates to noelmusiclover@gmail.com

  17. You’ll get no argument from me.:) God Bless and thank you for your support!

  18. Nia Redmon says:

    Reblogged this on Doing Life With God and commented:
    Worth repeating until we all get it!

  19. birdieklh says:

    Amen! I truly believe that if the world truly understood how God created this – for us – and the boundaries in which He ordained – the blessings it releases into our lives, there would be so much more stability in marriages. Less divorce, true commitment, more fidelity, less promiscuity, more abstinence among the unmarried! Society had for years made the marriage bed (a beautiful, sacred, holy, wonderful thing) sound filthy – something not to be spoken of. Just like anything that we tell people “Not to speak of, or do.” the temptation to discover what it is about becomes almost too strong to bear. If we present it as it truly is – holy – nothing to be ashamed of – within marriage (between man and woman), the stigma, the mystery, the ugliness would vanish and the expectation and wonder would return. Blushing brides would truly be showing up once more.

  20. Loved this post. I wish I could communicate these very sentiments to our young people who are so casual about sex. I wish all the time I had been smart and disciplined enough to wait until marriage. The sex before marriage was just that-sex. There was no intimacy, no oneness, and I always felt guilty afterward. I can share my experience with young women and only pray they pick up on my sincerity.

  21. njordan1338 says:

    Reblogged this on Vineyard Worker and commented:
    A good post and straight to the point.

  22. Awesome post. I’m looking forward to marriage.

  23. I simply love it so simple easy to unstand.

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